Gratefully Growing Challenge
I feel like a fraud. I am the go-to for support, motivation and encouragement for many in my life, but I realized I am not practicing what I preach. In our conversations, everyone knows they have a 24-hour period to wallow with me and then the crown is straightened and the work begins to address whatever the issue is. While this typically works for most situations, this is not working for me right NOW. Today, I was reflecting and realized I have lost my oomph and am slipping done a dangerous slope into an area that I am not comfortable with. I am in a rut. I haven’t been praying or reading my Bible like I normally do. My language is a little sketchy. My patience is thin. My conversations make me clutch my pearls and my thoughts are scary. Ugh. What am I going to do?
This Walk is not easy because life happens and the enemy is at every turn working to sabotage me. Sometimes, I hear people respond to others in a struggle like just TRUST GOD and that’s not always easy. It is a choice to TRUST GOD, one that I sometimes struggle with. I am human. Let’s be honest, the Apostles were in the presence of the Messiah and still doubted when they were tested. They lived and breathed the Messiah in His human form and doubted Him. But, I can’t doubt? I have to remind myself of some of those key events in the Bible as I go through my journey. Sometimes, I get lost, scared, and unsure; I have to respect my process enough to not beat myself up because of those negative feelings. And that is hard! I have encountered people I reached out to for support, love and understanding and was ridiculed and subjected to judgmental comments because TODAY they are not struggling and in a good place.
After reflecting, I am going to commit to a 30 day challenge. The concept that I have to hold on to is while I may struggle, I can’t stay in my struggle. My life is meant to be VICTORIOUS and the only way to have the victory is to defeat the obstacle. I can’t win the race if I don’t run. And as I reflect on watching my CHAD and his teammates run track, sometimes they run fast and sometimes they run slow, but they keep going until they cross the finish line. Some finish faster than others, but most of them finish while unfortunately a few do quit. That is life. What I know is I am not quitter, so I am getting back in the race and getting my life together. I am committing, dedicating and motivating myself to get back to me, to the person GOD purposed me to be and not this shell that I have allowed to hang around for long.
Every day for 30 days, I will write in my journal. I will write one thing I am thankful for, one thing I am working on, one person/situation I am praying for and meditate on a scripture from the book of Proverbs, writing what this scripture says to me. Let’s WORK!